It never happens that way...

I wanted to write several posts on this week's word: Music.  I was so excited about it.  I wanted to talk about all the things music does for us, all the people I know who are so good a making music, about how it defines my city - I had all these things planned.  

But it never happens the way we think it will.  Life is a magical journey with twists and turns and surprises and falls and climbs.  This past Sunday my grandfather passed away.  We were not close.  He has been very ill for a very long time.  It was not so sad that he was gone because I like to believe that the afterlife makes us complete people again.  It was sad to see those I love grieving.  It was sad that I won't have the chance to hear him tell stories of his life again.

The thing that makes it most sad was that I had to watch my father grieve alone.  He alienated his entire family from himself.  He created a world of misery around himself and then he had to suffer.  The worst part was that when I thought about not letting his mistakes stand between us I remembered that the second I got near him he would absolve himself in his mind.   He is the victim.  He believes he has been hurt by us and pushed away from us out of our own desire. 

Now he will know what it is really like to live without a father.  To feel like there is something missing. Something I have lived with my whole life.  And the sad part is, it wont matter.  That is what addiction does to you. 

So I am praying for all those out there who have fathers or are fathers - to take the time to appreciate one another and if at all possible, make peace.   I am so fortunate to have been able to look at my father this week without anger.  Forgiveness is the first step in our own healing and overcoming and I highly recommend it.  Forgiveness doesn't mean allowing a hurtful person back in, but it lets you recognize their damages and faults and see them through His eyes.

And now for some music...